All of my pancake friends are illiterate (Its hard to find good education when you
taste so good and smell so awesome. A lot them got eaten they were infants)
Date: Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Time: 4:03 AM
Title: Morons, Borons and all kinds of generally gassy people.
Immature boys who annoy my soul and my stuffed banana.
Ever had that feeling that you just had to shake some people. Till they go cock-eyed and their brains get shaken up? Do you people really think with your *o**s? Huh? HUH? YOU MORONS
THERE IS A LIMIT TO EVERY PANCAKE'S PATIENCE'S
GROW UP YOU OVERGROWN LUMBERHEADS.
There are certain kinds of people who laugh at things like this;
Need I say more? Do have more to say? Yes I do.
How many conflicting adjectives can you add to a person?
Like; Desperate for friends+Loner+Anti-Social+Competitive+Annoying+Flirt+Unfriendly+Nerd+Slacker+Boring+Retarded
= ???
LET ME TELL YOU THIS; ALL THAT WOULD MAKE ONE HECK OF A PERSON.
LET ME ALSO TELL YOU THIS THAT KIND OF A PERSON DOESN'T EXIST.
They wouldn't exist even if genies really popped out of lamps. They wouldn't exist even if unicorns took an express train on the rainbow track and came down to visit us. They wouldn't exist even if dinosaurs, heck the first fern popped up again.
Such a person would not only be bipolar he/she would be absolutely multi polar and have severe psychological issues.
We spend 6+ hours a day at school. We've been around people for more than a decade.
Hasn't this time taught you enough about people?
1)Girls don't randomly get crushes on guys randomly after age 14+. At least not the ones who make you laugh, write books and read into people's expressions and can tell who's thinking, who's feeling what.
You should know that. Shouldn't you?
2)Girls are people, not objects for you to grade as they run past you or there for you to be jerks about. They do have feelings you know, and they aren't kids and you ain't gonna get away with nothing.
3)Girls who say dorky things around you. Girls who make fart jokes around you, probably don't have a crush on you.
......... I'm just frustrated, it's one thing after another. I'm just this girl who wants a few close friends. People who are mature enough to get stuff, well aware enough to make jokes, people who're easy going and okay. I don't crush on no body, I mean, not many pancakes around in a place like this. I wanna write books, I want to really change the way people think. I try my bestest best to look for the best in people, and i know I'm awkward some times, but it's gone once i'm comfortable with you. One thing after another. Don't, just stop and think. Why this to some one who's priorities in life's to make other people laugh? If you can't get it one way then try another. Break up friendships by making stuff awkward by god-forbid suggesting something so wrong. WHat is wrong with you ? The more divisions you put in people the worse things get the less you'd enjoy yourself here. BECAUSE THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING MORE.Inside of everyone there is a good person.
Sorry No funny or remotely lame cartoons today. I'm tired, I'm frustrated. I want to a go to a girls convent. I take my words back; girls are much easier to make friends with, and stay friends with.
Date: Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Time: 11:09 PM
Title: Saving Francesca by Melina Marchetta
Date: Sunday, April 10, 2011
Time: 2:50 AM
Title: Things friendless people do.
Hello people of the internet. I really feel like a pancake these days, you know the soggy kind that no one wants? Yeah, that one. The one that no one would want to eat. (NOT THAT I WANT TO GET EATEN. SEE NOW I'LL NEVER TELL YOU WHERE I LIVE.)
Here it is. My personalized walk of shame;
Things to do when you have no friends to crap with in class.
1) Grace the walls with your loving gaze. Like this -
Don't do this too much though you may end up creeping the wall out. And that doesn't sound good.
2) Matchmake your stationery. <3 is important, even if no one wants to talk to you.
And its completely normal to talk to stationery. Sort of.
3) Make fun of yourself.And everybody else. 'cause if you're reading this, you probably can't take being shut up for 6 hours a day.
4) Whistle, look happy and also like you have a secret.
This will make you normal. Totally.
5) Don't care, make sure you don't ever lose yourself. Don't get awkward. As corny as it sounds, if you stay true to yourself, not just everyone around you, but the world's bound to catch up eventually.
6) Don't let anybody ever get to you.
Are you being ganged up against even thought you know you don't deserve it? Are you lonely? Are you sad like no other? Are you that miserable little misery sitting at the back of the class, wishing those morons would see you for who you actually are?
Life is like that. It sucks. But it doesn't suck all the time.
If it sucked for you this time, you'll be prepared before it hits you the next time.
Till then, stay true to who YOU are. Make sure you're untouchable. That is all.
Date: Sunday, February 13, 2011
Time: 12:37 AM
Title: VALENTINES DAY IS COMING *deflates*
Tomorrow's valentine's day. And I have no valentine. (Do I hear gasps? Yes? Who wouldn't want to date a CUTEASS PANCAKE LIKE MUA? no one apparently )
But that's okay. ( I may or may not have eaten one too many M&Ms and chocolate coated cherries since yesterday. Probably not. I'm epic and awesome, I don't need comfort food)
I have decided to comfort make myself even more epically glamorous by growing a moustache.
Yeah you read it, I am growing a mustache. For those of you who are aliens and have somehow managed to hack into earth's internet, this is what a mustache looks like------
Mustaches are back in style ever since...well ever since Charlie Chaplin ( If you don't know this guy, you must be an alien who likes to live under a rock) made them umm uncool. We like 'em bushy, curly and black. Like Mr Pringles here --->
Mr Pringles was being an ass, so he sent me the picture where he dyed his mustache brown - but we don't want that. And because I cannot let a measly little potato chip be better than me, I have decided to grow a mustache as well.
But don't get the wrong idea, I'm not going to copy anyone. My mustache will be magical and sparkly. It will help me do those crunches and hand stand thingies during touch rugby. It will also save people's lives.
Mustaches rock. You see them on shirts, pants, books, mugs, my foolscap pad, on babies
And even on Ke$ha.
They are EVERYWHERE
Mexican dudes, heads' up. You've just gotten significantly hotter.It may have annoyed people once, but fret no more - growing curly black springy things on your lips' cool now.
P.S. Pancakes out there, please start growing mustaches with me so we can meet up and compare lengths.
XOXO,
The pancake who will give you a skittle if you ask her out.
Date: Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Time: 4:18 PM
Title: College Orientation Camps
Hi again, it's been a while. Thank god, I haven't gotten eaten yet - and thanks to the camp food I may never get fully eaten. Not that it was bad, it's just a pancake that tastes like chicken and also fish, sausages, mushrooms and leafy green things might not agree with most people's taste-buds.
Which means one day I'd get through all of University and become the world's first ever Doctorate Pancake.
I will be a genius. I will be awesome and powerful. I'd write bestselling books. Epicness would just flow out of me. I'd have my own T.V. show, heck, I'll even have a whole channel to myself. I will torture all those who disrespect pancakes. A movie will be made out of my life. I'll start a new religion.
You know, you get the drift. I will be the only glamorous little pancake ever mentioned in the human history.
Anyway, its been a while. I was at junior college orientation camp for some time. IT WAS AWESOME. We danced, we screamed our heads off, got bombed by water bombs, cheered like crazy, sang like total retards, shaked ass and did all those crazy things you do in college.
And then during the finale night I got totally squashed .
I'm serious. This was me before camp ;
And this is me after a bunch of clumsy humans fell on top of me while dancing-
This is why only pancakes should be allowed to dance.
Date: Saturday, February 5, 2011
Time: 3:19 AM
Title: Things I like, Things I hate, Things I eat
There are a lot of things I like; and there are a lot of things I hate, like the way my hair looks when I get out of bed.
I like;
1)Pancakes, hot brown ones
2)Waffles with chocolate syrup and cream
3)Flying pigs (They are NOT a myth) (Just look behind you)
4) Money
5)Happy,crappy, half-silly people (My species. We're called silly-sapiens)
6)People who generously give out gum
7)Friendly Dragons
8) Talking Squirrels
9) Talking Pencils
10) Fast, nice, shiny cars
Things I loathe;
1)Loam
2)Stephanie Meyer
3)Books with senseless plotlines
4)Noses
5)The evil laughter
6)Bitches who like drama
7)Bitches with no life
8)Bitches who spread senseless rumors
9)Spoilt, richass bithches
10) Bitches in general, all kinds
In fact, if you are someone who enjoys dividing nice, friendly and awesome groups of people into cliques and creating gaping holes of suspicion and rumors and tarnished reputations - then YOU ARE MY MORTAL ENEMY. I hope you get mauled to death by turtles and snails with toothpicks (- mainly because this would be an incredibly pathetic way tp die. Plus, the mauling would take place over a long period time so it would make up for the tears of misery and frustration you are responsible for)
So, I present to you, the guide to dealing with Bitches the world would be cleaner and greener without.
1) Think of perfectly roasted marshmallows when they try to insult you. Marshmallows are tasty and filled with love. Bitches are nasty and filled with crushed snails. Which would you rather think of?
2)When they taunt you , treat them like they are invisible and insignificant. They/he/she does not exist around you. Bitches are monsters who feed on misery so if you make them miserable enough,they will consume themselves, starved of food (misery) and thus self-destruct. Get a bowl of popcorn and watch with a hint of an evil smile playing on your lips.
3)If she/he/they take away your friend, do something completely off the hook and awesome and get new friends.
Off the hook and awesome would be;
starting a revolution, making as many people around you laugh as possible and end enjoy being around you, appearing all over the newspaper for doing something incredible. Also, be really really cute, look awesome and ingnorant when they are around.
4) Donot, i repeat, do not go into direct combat with them unless they/he/she starts it in public view.
Unfortunately, bitches are sneaky rat-baboons - they sneak around, spread stuff and pretend to be all nice and in control.
Just flip your hair and forget. Do you have a goal, do be a good singer? To be the next president? To be the next best athlete? To get into a good university/college? To be next best pancake?
Work towards that. ( The last one is impossible by the way) That *ahem*'s just a miserable, worthless distraction. Mentally stuff her into a dusbin full of rats and forget.
5) Never beg for them to stop.It will only make them feel powerful. they are sadistic bullies after all. They don't have heart. Don't care about them. Don't help them. Don't listen to them. Don't give them the time of your day.
By the end of this post, forget that they even existed.
6)As corny as it sounds, believe in yourself. Bitches have psychological disorders, they'll eventually go mad.
Its only a matter of time.
7)Look behind you. No, I'm serious this time. Really. Take a good look. Bitches have a habit of stalking you.
Facebook- don't make sly references to them
Twitter- Lock it. It's supposed to be private
Tumblr- Don't write sad sad things about your life there
Blogs - Really now? Shutup
8) Be nice to people. They will have less reasons to turn against you when the bitch comes along.
Be funny. You will always get through life's worst storms just fine if you have a good sense of humor.
9)On your worst days, have a dart board, a picture of the moron/morons, a boxing glove, a dummy and yourself handy.
A bag of marshmallows and an Easy A VCD would be helpful as well.
10) Blink. Forget. Move on. Always look your best. And if you're really good at politics, use it to kill her slowly out of those seats of power.
Date: Saturday, January 29, 2011
Time: 2:45 AM
Title: How to levitate, the secret's disclosed
Have you ever watched those dumb (okay not so dumb) movies where people just randomly start floating? Sat in your room hours at end chanting "Light as feather, stiff as a board."? Tried on wings made of wood and feathers from a feather duster? Jumped so much you snapped a few muscles and finally just settled for a good fashioned old trampoline? "Floating people are so not awesome anyway. Who needs to float anyway. Its not cool, just look at Batman, he swings. Look at Tarzan he acts like a total ape and swings. Swinging is more fun anyway." We all know what you actually think.
I have the answers to your sad little problem. Get ready to knock birds out of the sky, get that little sucker that poo-pooed on your laundry and shout "Yo sucker!" to Newton (gravity's a conspiration)
I present to you THE GUIDE TO LEVITATING YOURSELF
1) Eat a pancake because they are awesome, they'll make you feel light and floaty. DO NOT for example, eat something else instead like a banana instead - that may result in you sprouting a long brown tail.
2) Say you're floating to everyone you meet then subsequently slap yourself.
3) Spin round and round, like a crazy top that's on caffeine rush, really really fast. Then immediately climb down the staircase.
4) Talk to a marshmallow eating an elf, you can find them in Katy Perry's pocket. Go look, really.
5) Finally smash your face into a pie.
Because, you, my friend are a delusional idiot. You cannot float, people can't float. Your silly attempts have only made Newton raise an eyebrow in his coffin.
Hi. Welcome. I think you like an angry turtle. :D
